ha ha i totally posted this blog on myspace, but i felt compelled to share it with everybody. here we go...
ok. sooo i was in a nasty (not so) little car accident one year ago today. said accident left me with a fractured left knee cap, torn tendons in my right hand, and a completely crushed right heel. after many months, two reconstructive surgeries, casts, orthopedic braces, and heaps of physical therapy i am almost normal :) my right foot (the one with the busted heel) is still kind of messed up. like, i can't run, stand for long periods of time, or walk on uneven terrain (damaged proprioceptors, haayy). however, i am satisfied in knowing that i will be able to do all of these again at some point!
but yeah, positivity and a sense of humor totally kept my chin up this year. TOTALLY. and my loved ones...oh my loved ones. the ones that kept me smiling. they know who they are, and they know that i love them with every fiber of my being. thank you thank you thank you for being strong and not giving up on me. ya'll are my rushmore.
ah ha ha ha crying.
ah ha ha ha poor sentence structure while crying :)
i love each and every one of you and i mean that. i'm grateful that i'm here, and i'm grateful that remarkable people like you exist.
i just realized that i am total khloe amongst women. lol oh god that sounded dumb. but yeah, i'm like the token amazon woman. all towering height, boobs, hips, and legs (god didn't bless me with an ass, oh wellz). it's not a bad thing. ha ha a friend of mine said that he prefers the term "rubenesque" ah ha ha ha!
i like me, i'm totally cool with me. all the same (and as i've mentioned in this blog) i would like to improve myself. i'm trying to lead an active lifestyle (wean myself away from the dvr and all of it's "twin peaks" reruns) and eat things that aren't terribly bad for me (wean myself away from sweets, bread and cheese. mmmm cheese.) i've even considered going raw, which is all kinds of exciting to me!
right now i'm in the throes of december's edition of the pms and i'm not even craving anything crazy, which is weird. ha ha if anything i'm craving beer. yeah.
ah so at any given point, regardless of how chubby i am, i'd like to think that i'm good at working with what i've got. with that being said, my goal is simply to be healthier and look rad in an outfit like this, or anthing by harriet's alter ego.
no kidding :)
p.s. this post is dedicated to betty page. may she rest in peace.
that's what some of the ravers wear in their hair. yep.
said tubular crin is otherwise known as "cyberlox" or something crazy like that. i was totally hating on the 'crin, until i saw pictures of a pretty girl wearing them (seen above). you know, i even considered being a raver for halloween because i LOVE putting ridiculous shit in my hair. instead i opted on being medusa.
but yeah, ravers. for some reason ravers insist on dressing like cats? i noticed this when the boy and i went to a dance party party in philly. i remember drunkenly saying that the cats must be PISSED at all of these candy kids. i mean, i saw a guy wearing a tail. c'mon now.
ha ha ha ugh XD
apart from the cats i'm pre-tty sure that the babies are extra pissed off at these people for their silly use of the pacifier.
=
see?!
don't know quite what i was getting at here, but i think that i made my point :)
i know that most people tend to feel depressed and like shit on sundays, but for some reason i've been super blissful today? like, my endorphins are going NUTS. so nuts that my heart started palpitating. oh happy anxiety :) i keep laughing too, it's pretty awesome. not like i'm usually a miserable mabel or anything, but feeling this happy for no particular reason is a smidge foreign to me. ha ha just a little. can't complain, though. heh, maybe if i'm lucky enough that inspiration that i've been looking for will bite me in the ass. cool!
p.s. new animal collective next month. get stoked, i'm already there!
p.p.s. when i think of the twilight zone i always think of this:
ok. so remember the snuggie? come to find out that the snuggie has some competition in the "creepy blanket/robes that make you look like you're in a cult" department. meet the slanket...
yeah.
decemeber's here and i am job/apartment hunting like a fiend at this point. got a couple good leads, so we shall see.
i feel no good terrible AWFUL for saying this, but carla from top chef nyc totally reminds me of that meat head alien dude from that one 80's movie. whoa, run-on sentence. i must be excited.
sooo i'm eating cherries and watching the britney documentary. it's actually not half bad? dunno. but yeah, i'm sitting here and i got to thinking...i got to thinking that my favorite people are actually really really bad at answering emails. like, it's uncanny. maybe i have a nasty little habit of writing/saying too much? that could be it. maybe they're busy? ha ha maaayyybe i should turn the neuroticism down a notch? ;)
yep.
ahh i love cherries. and guess what? i love my favorite people even more. ha ha it happens. right now "waiting to exhale" is on so might have to watch it.
ha ha stinks how these things always happen when i'm broke. you should totally go and tell me all about it. i love Missbehave 4 lyfe <3 oh, and those shoes are adorable! want.
today (for reasons i won't even bother getting into) had the potential to be mildly shitty. all the same, i put the kibosh on being upset, drank some coffee, and smiled. kinda wish that said coffee were an iced caramel macchiato, but whatever.
yum.
taking the higher road rocks. right now i'm about to embark on a clutter organizing mission. organized space = organized brain. yay! so stoked. ha ha i've been thinking about getting a very small tattoo that says something like "STFU" for those glum times, you know? i imagine that i'll think of something better.
um yeah, this song IS me. ha ha every song is me, but i'm not kidding when i say it.
i have a podcast now. it's called Free Amaris!! and you should totally check it out. ha ha upon listening to it i've discovered that i a. have a slight lisp, b. sound like a nutcase, aaand c. like to talk a lot. oh wait, i've always talked a lot. even in great moments of tenderness i've been told that i talk a lot. lol ~*great moments of tenderness*~. oh amaris.
i recorded a video blog too, but i'm going to put the kibosh on the vlogging for now. i'd like to get rid of some excess chub first. i was good this week, but i could've been better. quality workouts are hard to come by when you're working with a busted paw. if i could afford a gym membership i'd be tearing shit up in pilates, spinning class, and water aerobics. kind of obsessed with water aerobics. but yeah, no gyms for me, i'm too broke blah blah blah. any suggestions for some low impact fat blasting? also, my diet's going okay but much like my exercise it could be better. i needs more fruits and veggies in my life. or perhaps some kind of detoxifying cleansing, raw foods diet? yeeeaaah. ha ha i say this now, but thanksgiving day is coming. oh boy.
well, it's friday and i'm off to nyc for this month's Dub War. you should come too! there are subwoofers in the floor! BOOM.
ok, so this will be the last pms related post for a while. at least until next month, obvi. but yeah...
ha ha ha ha like i would even *need* that!?
i remember in the 90's there was a number called 'dial an insult.' the number was 1-900-INSULT (i know, i'm missing a digit blah blah), or something. like, you would call it and the voice on the other line would insult you. great.
i love that there's a clip of the insult line's ad on youtube. LOVE! this is taking me back to valley stream, ny circa 1991. coke bottle glasses, z cavaricci shorts, floral bodysuits, training bras, and yes pms :)
on a side note, z cavaricci still has a website up and running? whaaaat?
well at least their models are pretty? i'm so confused.
i am so sure that it's 10 years of lame to be posting song lyrics all up in your livejournal, let alone your BLOG. ha ha watch me care ;)
"negative thinking" by THE DEATH SET
If I felt cynicism, I'd wrap it in a blanket of discontentment, Fuck that!, I feel better knowing that I decided not to, When you were looking 'round, you veered to the right, Did you notice that? And I feel better knowing that I decided not to.
In hindsight, I don't want to be like the people I've liked.
ha ha yay!
aaaand in other news, i'm made my first podcast the other night. it's fun.
it was like "it's a small world", meets food porn, meets a cheery, informative tour on how chocolate's made. yay! :) when they showed the chocolate in it's liquid form just dripping i was getting a little excited, not gonna lie. chocolate usually doesn't do it for me, but it did this time. omg did it ever. oh, i should mention that i'm still in full blown pms mode, sooo yeah.
once your done with the whole (literal) song and dance that is the Hershey's Chocolate world animatronic tour of awesomeness you wind up smack dab in the gift shop.
shit looked rad, but we made a bee line to the food/snack area of course. i treated the boy and myself to some hershey's frozen cocoa, and it was omg amazing. like a frozen chocolate party in my mouth. we also split a reeses brownie. everything was beyond delicious. hershey's don't mess. also, it was cute when i asked ben if we were on a date.
all the same, my stomach felt HORRIBLE later on. i guess that frozen hot cocoa is something not to be messed with? the hot chocolate gods were not amused, and neither was my belly. i was, once again, promising myself that i'd go macrobiotic from now on. ah ha ha.
but yeah, if you're ever in the south central PA area, and are feeling the symptoms of pms come to Chocolate World! i could never make a habit out of this, as i'd wind up looking like one of the animatronic cows that were carrying on about milk and chocolate. LOL.
okay. my cheeks keep turning red, i'm sleepier than usual, my belly is slightly distended, and i am craving certain foods (in particular: homemade iced tea, and cheeseburger spring rolls).
mmmmmmm.
but yeah, the aforementioned symptoms can only mean that pms is on it's way. ha ha oh boy. i'm only bringing this up because last month EVERYTHING in the amaris galaxy seemed to go wrong during that time of the month. long story short: shit was not working, undesirable circumstances ensued, and i cried. yep, it sucked :) negativity is not going to take me alive this time around.
so i've been doing good with my mission of positivity (except for that time i thought that my boyfriend was copping an attitude), and i intend to keep things totally awesome. still don't know quite what i'm getting at with this post? i guess that it's kind of a reminder. a "don't freak out because your hormones are going to go crazy" reminder.
i'm beginning to think that i have insomnia. it's like 1 a.m. and i'm wide awake and bored. shit, i even signed on to aim. oh wait, i've been known to do that from time to time anyway. but yeah, i found this weird online survey about dreams. nice change of pace. my dreams are always super duper strange.
ahem.
Do you have the same dreams over and over again? it's been known to happen.
Have you ever saved someone’s life in a dream? not that i can remember.
Do some of your dreams come true? sometimes. it's pretty weird.
Has a dream ever scared you so badly that you couldn’t go back to sleep? omg yes.
Do you often fly in your dreams? no, but swimming is sometimes involved.
What about fall? yes! and then my legs get all restless and nuts and i wake up.
Ever had a dream where you or someone else dies? only close calls.
What about a natural disaster (tornado, flood, hurricane)? my dreams are often windy, and sometimes there's rain. but no natural disasters.
Out of all the dreams you remember, which is your favorite? the one where i was i at a beach at night and there were stars in the water.
Most puzzling? the one where i wound up hiding in a muddy bush, whispering to a friend.
Funniest? it escapes me at the moment, BUT i have woken up laughing before. it was awesome :)
Have you ever dreamed that you were lost? no?
Ever had super abilities (invisibility, super strength)? not really.
Do you ever dream of dinosaurs? when i was a kid i used to day dream about dinosaurs. instead of imaginary friends i had imaginary dinosaurs.
Do you ever confuse your dreams with reality? ALL OF THE TIME. i'm often prone to saying/thinking things like, "did that really just happen?"
Do you ever dream about sex? ha ha ha aw shucks. of course, but my dreams seem to be a lot more sublime than real life.
ha ha lame surveys :)
ah. i'd very much like to have some kind of sleepover party (snuggie party?), so i can hear all about other people's weirdo dreams the next day.
right now i'm going to go continue re-reading "running with scissors." right now i keep listening to this:
i totally want to go, but i'm sure that i won't be able to make it. hopefully this stays on exhibit for a while so i can check it out at a more convenient time :)
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i totally got banned on myspace.
aaaaand in other news, how about our new president?! omg, yes we did! i'm soooo genuinely happy, proud, and full of hope that it's incredible. almost too much to handle. all the same, i kind of wish that folks would stop with the cynicism and naysaying so early on in the game (a little positivity goes a long way, trust me). i ain't mad at you though :) to each their own of course. still, i love you more than anything, you're better than gold, y'all are my Rushmore. all of you :)
2. what are you being for halloween? i'm going to be medusa for one of the parties that i'll be attending. this will require adhering toy snakes to hair barrettes. ha ha. still up in the air for the other party. i was thinkin' about maybe going the chongalicious route.
turns out that it's not much different than my usual route? i'll cook up some more ideas, and let you know all about them! :)
DID YOU KNOW TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY. SEE??
IN OTHER NEWS:
*I'M GOING TO A JOB FAIR TOMORROW, AND BOUGHT FANCY LINEN PAPER FOR THE OCCASION. GOTTA MAKE MY REUME LOOK GOOD, YO.
*MY MISSION OF POSITIVITY IS WORKING OUT, EXCEPT I KINDA DON'T FEEL LIKE MYSELF? MIGHT BE TURNING INTO A ROBOT. WHILE LISTENING TO MY IPOD EARLIER I DIDN'T CRY WHEN I HEARD "KIDS" BY MGMT, AND THAT SHIT ALWAYS GETS ME. JUST SAYIN'.
*THE MISTER IS SPINNING AT LIQUID CHARM IN PHILADELPHIA TOMORROW NIGHT. YOU SHOULD COME DOWN AND DRINK $3 MAGIC HATS WITH ME. I'M KIND OF IN LOVE WITH PHILLY. LIKE, A LOT.
*ALTHOUGH MY NEW STOIC/ROBOT PERSONA ISN'T REALLY INTO EATING I AM CRAVING A CUPCAKE SOMETHING AWFUL RIGHT NOW. A RED VELVET CUPCAKE WITH CREAM CHEESE ICING.
FUCK AH HA HA. CUPCAKES AND TEARS ARE THE ENEMY. SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD BAND NAME TO ME. CUPCAKES AND TEARS. GOSH, TYPING IN ALL CAPS REALLY SUCKS.
k, so i'm still on my "omg i've got to be positive all of the time!" mission. i'm doing ok. i've lost five lbs, i bought shoes that aren't terribly ugly (slouchy black boots, holler). i'm going to a job fair on thursday night, and am ready to charm the pants off of potential employers. yep, things are looking up. sunny side up.
all the same, i'm pretty sure that i should talk to "someone." someone with a phd, and a comfy couch. seems as though the entire world finds my natural, over emotional state to be annoying. it saddens me to know that folks are not really capable of loving me unconditionally, but whatevs. also, i'm still PMSing pretty darn hard. those closest too me think that i'm a drama queen. last night(while talking about my previous blog entry) i asked my boyfriend if i sound like a psycho jealous girlfriend. he told me that i would if i kept going on about what had me so upset. awesome. i then told him that i felt sabotaged and trapped. he understood. HE UNDERSTOOD! :) that was nice, i love it when people understand.
so yeah, perhaps i need professional help? perhaps i don't? all i know is that it certainly helps to come clean. communication is key, as is understanding. i'm an emo bitch and sometimes i cry. i truly hope that those who love me understand that. i'm trying to be stronger, though. things can only get better. you'll see :)
god, my blog entries have been a ton of fun lately, eh? ha ha wow.
the other day i said that i am going to boycott sensitivity. i'm overly sensitive, always have been. cry cry whine. i'll probably always be sensitive, but i am going to try my hardest to be a stronger, positivity infused amaris. i hear that it's GREAT on the other side ;)
in other news, i think that i might actually hate social networking sites? well, not HATE...but they are double trouble, man. like, today i went to leave my significant other a lame comment on the facebook. while doing so (and with no lurkery at all) i noticed that he had written on some girl's "wall." oh, but it was not just any girl, it was the girl that proclaimed that she "hearted" him this one time. ha ha oh boy. but yeah, he wanted to know where she's been hiding, to which she replied something about being in an ugly funk, and how he should take her out for drinks. snort. weird thing is that i'm not mad...just extremely disappointed. i have male friends, i talk to said male friends, my male friends are completely awesome. all the same, my male friends do not publicly proclaim that they ~*heart*~ me. i heart my boyfriend...no, fuck that. i LOVE my boyfriend. I DO. he's my favorite, and i'm pretty sure that he knows it. all the same, i may very well be done with these social networking sites from hell.
ahhh sensitivity. i'm pretty sure that i've gotten worse since the accident. it's almost like i have this "omg! i almost died, so be gentle with me everybody!" stigma going on. i miss my friends so much, i wish that i were at cmj week, i trust everyone which tends to bite me in the ass, i am full of love, aaand i'm having a bad case of the PMS ha ha ha.
now i'm listening to The 6ths and depeche mode while totally blissing out. factor in a hot bath and some wine and/or pot into this mix and i'm good to go. come over and watch "skins" with me tonight, ok?
i just realized that as of october 13th i've been on myspace for five years. FIVE YEARS. that's a long time. i now have 2000 and some friends, half of which are bands, etsy shops, filmmakers , etc. it's all good. and the other half would be a melange of delightful human beings from all over the galaxy. yay! but yeah, did you know that i've saved like every single email i've received on the myspace? yep. looking and back and reading some of the old ones is really quite interesting, and very weird. ha ha perhaps i should publish said emails? perhaps not.
if you want to lurk and/or add me please feel free to do so. i trust that (all three) people who read this are not creeps. http://www.myspace.com/theonlyamaris
in other nostalgic news:
long before the internetz (1994, yo) i became mildly obsessed with a song by the electronic group orbital. today i went on youtube and found the video for the aforementioned song. this filled me with every kind of emotion possible. well, not really...like, i wasn't mad or anything ha ha. it was the kind of moment when your heart's in your throat, you're smiling, and tears are streaming down your face. a precious moment, obvi. anyway, here's what i'm talking about:
so nice.
btw, the cute girl in the blue shirt is totally alison goldfrapp, who also happens to be gracing this awesome track with her omg amazing pipes. holy shit. ha ha i'm like a walking compliment today :)
because, much like elina on ANTM, my hair is like a small cat living on my head. i, however, was born this way and her's was, um, weaved that way. so yeah, it seems as though my hair is growing bigger, not longer. i guess i'm going to have to go in for a trim, but i'm wondering what to do with the the whole bang situation. i've cut them myself in the past, and sometimes i do an awesome job. other times i wind up looking like i went at it with a nail clipper. at this point the old bangs are constantly poking me in the eyes. i'm not sure if i should cut them, them or grow them out. what would you do?
here's my most favorite set of bangs ever. my bangs (and most, i assume) sometimes cause delightful forehead acne.
aaand here's me with a bit of a forehead. sometimes i'm not a fan of my forehead. god, that sounds so lame.
thoughts?
ha ha speaking of hair, the other day my boyfriend and i went to the art supply store to buy some fake doll hair for his halloween costume. that shit was sooo hard to find, and they only had soul glo curls available for purchase lol. also, my boyfriend made me pay for the bags of hair because he felt weird. i laughed.
