whinenoceros status.

that's how it feels sometimes.

anxiety, unanswered texts/emails, my favorite people and their lack of enthusiasm for all things amaris, worrying, my busted paw, feeling like a burden as a result of the aforementioned paw, getting annoyed by myself, pointless whining, nagging neurosis, etc. once again i need cher to come and slap me, while demanding that i "snap out of it." she should also totally lend me one of her fabulous wigs.

i'd like to think that tonight is just a hiccup, and that i will emerge tomorrow morning as fresh as a daisy. a daisy who doesn't give a fuck about that negative shit.

this felt good :)

nom?

so i totally bought this book for five bucks at barnes & noble. they've got some awesome ideas in it. also, they don't insinuate that chubbier people, and meat eaters are disgustingly gross devil people...unlike the ladies behind "skinny bitch." in the meantime i seem to have misplaced my copy (see: i lost it in a night club, of all places), but oh well. i'll buy another copy if i could get it for the same price. scout's honor :)

but yeah, i'm still trying to fight the good fight, make healthy choices for my body, be a hotter/better amaris, fitter, happier, more productive, blah blah blah. sucks that i can't exercise my ass off right now, since i'm still rockin' the orthopedic boot. yesterday i found a picture of myself on some nightlife/party website, and i looked like a tan miss piggy, with a side of heaving cleavage. no bueno :(



soooo yeah, back to attempting to whip my ass into shape. hopefully wii boxing, free weights, and some time on the yoga ball will make a dent? i'm also going on the master cleanse again, since i lost a whopping ten lbs the last time. yeah, i know that fasts are bad news, but it kind of felt awesome to get rid of those pesky little toxins. i know my limits :) consider this all part of my positivity mission. i'm almost caught up organizing my life, and this will be a piece of cake. mmm cake. ha ha oh no. i also have pms right now, as well as a nasty cold, soooo cravings are imminent. shit happens.

talking in circles about body image, exercising, and food yay!

wish me luck.

just so you know.

oh hey. whoa i totally neglect this blog; blame tumblr. ha ha i love that site. i'd invade that site's personal space if it were a human, you know. wink wink.

ok so things have changed since my last post. i've put my job hunt on hold for the time being as i'm having corrective surgery on my right foot tomorrow. ha ha surprise! as you may or may not know i had a bad car accident about a year and change ago. reconstructive surgeries, hospital stays, and physical therapy ensued. everything has healed apart from my darn right heel. one day when i was upset and discouraged i said, "HEEL?! it certainly doesn't live up to it's name." that's a pretty awful joke. the pun never stops around these parts. but yeah, my poor right foot is crooked, and ridden with arthritis and pain. i am 28, and there is no reason for me to have arthritis yet. tomorrow i am having ankle fusion surgery. i won't explain anymore, because i don't want to psyche myself out LOL :(

needless to say, i am scared shitless you guys. ha ha! is shitless one word? i don't know? anyway, this is for the best. i'm going to be as good as new :)

i love each and every one of you. did you know that? i'm sappier than a maple tree, y'all.

p.s. here's the foot in question. feels like you know me a little better, huh?

B. E. AGRESSIVE!

what's the best nation? procrastination!

no, not really ha ha. but it is something i do quite often. i am not proud :( i even procrastinate when it comes to fun things. wtf. it's my least favorite habit, bar none.

these days i've been job hunting, apartment/roommate hunting, creating, life organizing, and attempting to lead a healthier lifestyle (see: eating better, working out). i've made strides, albeit little, passive ones. it kind of stinks, dudes. like, i want to be wildly ambitious, i want my motivation to last more than a day, i want to be awesome. i need a cheerleader, a guru, and a drill sergeant all at once. i know i can do this. i've done it before :)

i always laugh and/or cringe when people say things like: "today is the first day of the rest of my life!", but tomorrow i will be ALL OVER that action. seriously, gtfo procrastination. i'm over that wishy-washy balderdash. wish me luck!

x-posted EVERYWHERE, of course.

ahh less than stellar day, dudes. sometimes i just have to tell myself, "chin up buckaroo!" ha ha or something along those lines.

just to let you know, there are super exciting things on the way (blogs, blog collabos, a new flickr account, more blogs, art, iced tea rhapsodizing, etc.) i promise. pinkie swear!

for now here are pictures of me and some creepy gold leggings. i did not buy said leggings.





love you mean it.

ps if you know get the whole "x-posted" thing you win!

one year.

ha ha i totally posted this blog on myspace, but i felt compelled to share it with everybody. here we go...




ok. sooo i was in a nasty (not so) little car accident one year ago today. said accident left me with a fractured left knee cap, torn tendons in my right hand, and a completely crushed right heel. after many months, two reconstructive surgeries, casts, orthopedic braces, and heaps of physical therapy i am almost normal :) my right foot (the one with the busted heel) is still kind of messed up. like, i can't run, stand for long periods of time, or walk on uneven terrain (damaged proprioceptors, haayy). however, i am satisfied in knowing that i will be able to do all of these again at some point!

but yeah, positivity and a sense of humor totally kept my chin up this year. TOTALLY. and my loved ones...oh my loved ones. the ones that kept me smiling. they know who they are, and they know that i love them with every fiber of my being. thank you thank you thank you for being strong and not giving up on me. ya'll are my rushmore.

ah ha ha ha crying.

ah ha ha ha poor sentence structure while crying :)

i love each and every one of you and i mean that. i'm grateful that i'm here, and i'm grateful that remarkable people like you exist.



<3 x 10000000000000000

weird.

=



O_o

i know that most people tend to feel depressed and like shit on sundays, but for some reason i've been super blissful today? like, my endorphins are going NUTS. so nuts that my heart started palpitating. oh happy anxiety :) i keep laughing too, it's pretty awesome. not like i'm usually a miserable mabel or anything, but feeling this happy for no particular reason is a smidge foreign to me. ha ha just a little. can't complain, though. heh, maybe if i'm lucky enough that inspiration that i've been looking for will bite me in the ass. cool!

p.s. new animal collective next month. get stoked, i'm already there!



p.p.s. when i think of the twilight zone i always think of this:



:)

boom-de-ah-da, boom-de-ah-da.

today (for reasons i won't even bother getting into) had the potential to be mildly shitty. all the same, i put the kibosh on being upset, drank some coffee, and smiled. kinda wish that said coffee were an iced caramel macchiato, but whatever.



yum.

taking the higher road rocks. right now i'm about to embark on a clutter organizing mission. organized space = organized brain. yay! so stoked. ha ha i've been thinking about getting a very small tattoo that says something like "STFU" for those glum times, you know? i imagine that i'll think of something better.

um yeah, this song IS me. ha ha every song is me, but i'm not kidding when i say it.

oh hai new theme song.

i am so sure that it's 10 years of lame to be posting song lyrics all up in your livejournal, let alone your BLOG. ha ha watch me care ;)

"negative thinking" by THE DEATH SET

If I felt cynicism, I'd wrap it in a blanket of discontentment, Fuck that!,
I feel better knowing that I decided not to,
When you were looking 'round, you veered to the right,
Did you notice that?
And I feel better knowing that I decided not to.

In hindsight, I don't want to be like the people I've liked.


ha ha yay!


aaaand in other news, i'm made my first podcast the other night. it's fun.

roar.

okay. my cheeks keep turning red, i'm sleepier than usual, my belly is slightly distended, and i am craving certain foods (in particular: homemade iced tea, and cheeseburger spring rolls).





mmmmmmm.

but yeah, the aforementioned symptoms can only mean that pms is on it's way. ha ha oh boy. i'm only bringing this up because last month EVERYTHING in the amaris galaxy seemed to go wrong during that time of the month. long story short: shit was not working, undesirable circumstances ensued, and i cried. yep, it sucked :) negativity is not going to take me alive this time around.

so i've been doing good with my mission of positivity (except for that time i thought that my boyfriend was copping an attitude), and i intend to keep things totally awesome. still don't know quite what i'm getting at with this post? i guess that it's kind of a reminder. a "don't freak out because your hormones are going to go crazy" reminder.

a first for everything.

Subject:

We had to delete one of your photos

Body:
We had to remove an image (or images) from your account because they violated our Terms of Use. Our site is for people as young as 13, so we can't have certain kinds of pics (nude/sexually explicit, violence, material protected by copyright). Find out more about content we don't allow at http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=misc.terms. If you continue to violate our Terms, we may be forced to remove your account.

If you find an image which you feel is in violation of our Terms, please feel free to use the 'report image' link below the image.

Thanks for your understanding.

MySpace Safety & Security

i totally got banned on myspace.

aaaaand in other news, how about our new president?! omg, yes we did! i'm soooo genuinely happy, proud, and full of hope that it's incredible. almost too much to handle. all the same, i kind of wish that folks would stop with the cynicism and naysaying so early on in the game (a little positivity goes a long way, trust me). i ain't mad at you though :) to each their own of course. still, i love you more than anything, you're better than gold, y'all are my Rushmore. all of you :)

JSYK.

DID YOU KNOW TODAY IS INTERNATIONAL CAPS LOCK DAY. SEE??

IN OTHER NEWS:

*I'M GOING TO A JOB FAIR TOMORROW, AND BOUGHT FANCY LINEN PAPER FOR THE OCCASION. GOTTA MAKE MY REUME LOOK GOOD, YO.

*MY MISSION OF POSITIVITY IS WORKING OUT, EXCEPT I KINDA DON'T FEEL LIKE MYSELF? MIGHT BE TURNING INTO A ROBOT. WHILE LISTENING TO MY IPOD EARLIER I DIDN'T CRY WHEN I HEARD "KIDS" BY MGMT, AND THAT SHIT ALWAYS GETS ME. JUST SAYIN'.

*THE MISTER IS SPINNING AT LIQUID CHARM IN PHILADELPHIA TOMORROW NIGHT. YOU SHOULD COME DOWN AND DRINK $3 MAGIC HATS WITH ME. I'M KIND OF IN LOVE WITH PHILLY. LIKE, A LOT.

*ALTHOUGH MY NEW STOIC/ROBOT PERSONA ISN'T REALLY INTO EATING I AM CRAVING A CUPCAKE SOMETHING AWFUL RIGHT NOW. A RED VELVET CUPCAKE WITH CREAM CHEESE ICING.



FUCK AH HA HA. CUPCAKES AND TEARS ARE THE ENEMY. SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD BAND NAME TO ME. CUPCAKES AND TEARS. GOSH, TYPING IN ALL CAPS REALLY SUCKS.

sorry about that.