no, not really ha ha. but it is something i do quite often. i am not proud :( i even procrastinate when it comes to fun things. wtf. it's my least favorite habit, bar none.
these days i've been job hunting, apartment/roommate hunting, creating, life organizing, and attempting to lead a healthier lifestyle (see: eating better, working out). i've made strides, albeit little, passive ones. it kind of stinks, dudes. like, i want to be wildly ambitious, i want my motivation to last more than a day, i want to be awesome. i need a cheerleader, a guru, and a drill sergeant all at once. i know i can do this. i've done it before :)
i always laugh and/or cringe when people say things like: "today is the first day of the rest of my life!", but tomorrow i will be ALL OVER that action. seriously, gtfo procrastination. i'm over that wishy-washy balderdash. wish me luck!
okay. my cheeks keep turning red, i'm sleepier than usual, my belly is slightly distended, and i am craving certain foods (in particular: homemade iced tea, and cheeseburger spring rolls).
mmmmmmm.
but yeah, the aforementioned symptoms can only mean that pms is on it's way. ha ha oh boy. i'm only bringing this up because last month EVERYTHING in the amaris galaxy seemed to go wrong during that time of the month. long story short: shit was not working, undesirable circumstances ensued, and i cried. yep, it sucked :) negativity is not going to take me alive this time around.
so i've been doing good with my mission of positivity (except for that time i thought that my boyfriend was copping an attitude), and i intend to keep things totally awesome. still don't know quite what i'm getting at with this post? i guess that it's kind of a reminder. a "don't freak out because your hormones are going to go crazy" reminder.
well, as you know (from reading the post below, of course) i'm totally stoked on making healthy choices for my body. naturally i have to make sure that my mind is moderately safe and sound as well. i've been in two car accidents over the last twelve months, and they certainly have changed me. like i'm pretty much in love with life, and extremely aware of it's fragility. i am lucky.
all the same, my whole situation has left me a bit on the shell shocked end of the spectrum. i cry more than i used to, and that sucks ha ha ha. it's not that bad, i guess, but my confidence has definitely suffered. late last fall i used to drive to see my dude (he lives two hours away) on a regular basis, hang out with my friends a lot, go to work, smoke cigarettes, and go on mini shopping sprees (hellooo outlet malls). these days i have to take a 4-6 hour ($43.00 one way) bus to see my favorite boy, it feels as though my friends can't be bothered, i receive a tiny amount of money as a result of my disability (busted paw), quit smoking which is actually good apart from the weight gain, and can only really afford sale rack/and or thrift shop items. ha that last one aint too bad either, but you know.
so yeah, the aforementioned setbacks seem to cause occasional onslaughts of depression, helplessness, crying spells, pity parties, etc. but WHHHYYYY? i'm SO much better than all of these things, and it's my hands to improve upon them. what i really need is a fire under my ass. i talk about fires under my ass a lot these days. i want to be a better amaris, and self loathing does not a better amaris make :) i am going to work harder, become more organized (LOL), test the waters of my potential because i'm pretty sure that there is an ocean there. ha ha don't you love it when your blog posts are kind of all over the place? this feels good.
as i've said before...things are going to look up BECAUSE i am going to make them look up. for myself and for the people i love the most, because they mean the entire universe to me.
soooo i'm on a diet now. i ate a small bowl of asopao de camarones and drank some black cherry juice tonight. gonna try and eat my veggies, avoid random sweets, and spend at least an hour on the stationary bike from now on. yep. my new diet will also prove to be helpful when i go out to eat with friends, my man, my fammo, etc., as i will be ordering a very small (and therefore inexpensive) amount of food. yeeeaaah, the fact that i've been disabled for almost a year has certainly taken a nasty little toll on my purse.
out of everyone i must say that the two people who take me on yummy food adventures would be my boyfriend and my mother. ha ha for some reason mom likes to take me for random iced lattes and/or ice creams (among other things). my boyfriend (ohhh my boyfriend) and i are, like, ALWAYS out at some random restaurant. the other day he jokingly said that once i'm better and working that i am going to owe him A LOT of dinners. this upset me and made me cry because: a. crying is my numero uno self defense mechanism (lame, huh?), and b. i generally felt bad and devoid of any independence (read: moochiness). after wearing my sunglasses indoors and pouting over beer and salad i got over it. i did, however, make a decision then and there not to go balls out when i go out to eat anymore (does that make sense?). my waist will thank me, and it will work out for all parties involved, trust me :) i just wish certain people knew just how much they mean to me. like, i'm pretty sure that they know but i just want to make sure.
ahhh fires under my ass are kinda awesome. all the same, there will be no ana/mia business here, thank you very much. i'm ultimately doing this to be healthy.
having goals rocks, and exercise is kind of fun in terms of getting my neglected endorphins pumping. yeah!
