14 hours ago
Monday, October 6, 2008
a better amaris part ii.
well, as you know (from reading the post below, of course) i'm totally stoked on making healthy choices for my body. naturally i have to make sure that my mind is moderately safe and sound as well. i've been in two car accidents over the last twelve months, and they certainly have changed me. like i'm pretty much in love with life, and extremely aware of it's fragility. i am lucky.
all the same, my whole situation has left me a bit on the shell shocked end of the spectrum. i cry more than i used to, and that sucks ha ha ha. it's not that bad, i guess, but my confidence has definitely suffered. late last fall i used to drive to see my dude (he lives two hours away) on a regular basis, hang out with my friends a lot, go to work, smoke cigarettes, and go on mini shopping sprees (hellooo outlet malls). these days i have to take a 4-6 hour ($43.00 one way) bus to see my favorite boy, it feels as though my friends can't be bothered, i receive a tiny amount of money as a result of my disability (busted paw), quit smoking which is actually good apart from the weight gain, and can only really afford sale rack/and or thrift shop items. ha that last one aint too bad either, but you know.
so yeah, the aforementioned setbacks seem to cause occasional onslaughts of depression, helplessness, crying spells, pity parties, etc. but WHHHYYYY? i'm SO much better than all of these things, and it's my hands to improve upon them. what i really need is a fire under my ass. i talk about fires under my ass a lot these days. i want to be a better amaris, and self loathing does not a better amaris make :) i am going to work harder, become more organized (LOL), test the waters of my potential because i'm pretty sure that there is an ocean there. ha ha don't you love it when your blog posts are kind of all over the place? this feels good.
as i've said before...things are going to look up BECAUSE i am going to make them look up. for myself and for the people i love the most, because they mean the entire universe to me.
big plans, wish me luck!
i love you.